This Evil is no longer a Resident, as it missed the rent - Resident Evil 4 and 5 review

This is late due to Dark Souls, Spider-Man EoT and Batman: AC. Those reviews to follow. Promise :D

I love the Resident Evil series. From it's off beat humor, to it's ridiculous but still contained story. I mean c'mon, a virus that acts like a skin disease and then, AND THEN! You turn into a zombie. Would the wonders of head and shoulders never cease. See, even the gamecube remake still had that far out style when it came to dialogue; but it had atmosphere and style. It still stayed that way for 2, 3 and even the horrendous side stories that Capcom has washed itself free of.

I'M LOOKING AT YOU RESIDENT EVIL GAIDEN!

Course, the title is a give away at how the series has never taken itself seriously. Resident Evil? There's nothing evil about what's going on, Umbrella fudged up, that's all. The zombies as well as the other creatures are animalistic, we don't yell at dogs for being hunters. My god! He's sniffing! THE EEEEEVVVVIIIILLLLL!! Yeah uh huh, no way. It states that the subjects are becoming basic and animalistic, that isn't evil. See, I always prefered the actual name, the original japanese name. It's simply: Biohazard. Yes, that's it; it refers to what is happening in the game with one word AND IT MAKES SENSE.

NOW! I'm done talking about the inital back story and why the engrish name sucks so let's move onto my favorite introduction of the series. Biohazard 4. Seee, Biohazard 2 always had a special place in my manly heart; it had a better story, better emotion and better characters than the first game. Leon and Claire had more flair and personality than Chris and Jill, which is a shame because I love Jill. Chris. . . . we'll get to him.

So I was excited to hear that Biohazard 4 would have Leon in the lead and start the mythos fresh. Which is good, because not only is Leon my favorite lead male charcter of the franchise but there's only so much Wesker Zombie bull I can stomach. maybe the rest of you can, but I have a strict diet of fresh, exciting, pony and Olivia Wilde. So when I heard they weren't zombies anymore, at least not in the flesh eating way, I was estatic. The game didn't disapoint. It had reworked mechanics, with an over the shoulder view, you can actually arm; rather than having muscle jerks that made you either aim straight up or straight down. Ah yes, the important gun training of aiming perfectly horizontal. It saved my life in the gulf.

It was this game that gave birth to games like Dead Space, course the only thing missing was the aim and move but DS did add that but this was years before. You know what though? This game after so many years still holds up. It's still fun and fresh and it doesn't take itself so seriously, with Leon bitching out a midget. It has charm and a fun rewarding upgrade system that doesn't hold you back from going balls out. It's also 15 plus hours, I know people on the leader boards have complete this game in under an hour, but seriously; there are only so many ways people can snap.

It's voice acting is good and tight, playing a long with the charm. It's a cheesy b movie and that's how Biohazard started, that's it's roots. It's cheesy but that's it's charm. It's light hearted which is great contrast to everything happening around you. It's gross and creepy, there are hardly pop out scares; it's more so about atmosphere and how unnatural everything is. The 'people' are more in the sense of classic voodoo zombies, in which it was either normal people or corpses brought to life through magic as loyal servants. It's so out of place, that it's effective. Then to lighten the mood, the characters say something eye rolling cheesy and that's great. It shows that this game has confidence. I have to give props to Shinji Mikami, he's looking to make a game that follows the route of entertaining rather than being a drab course of repetitivness that most games fall into. It's entertaining from beginning to end, the mechanics are still solid to this day and prove to still rival most third person shooters. Course, they don't have a cover system mechanic which is godly because most third person shooters turn into a Gears rip off unless they put more focus on something other than that (l <3 You Uncharted).

Biohazad 4 is straight up fun and it deserves every penny, it's still stands true to today and brought a fresh spin on the long lasting horror survival series that was solely needed. It brought in characters easily memorable, From Leon and Ada, to Luis and even Ashley who wasn;t as annoying as I remember. It's cheesy charm shall stand the test of time.

Biohzard 4 gets 10 right hands coming off out of 10.

Now for Biohazard 5 take everything from 4, downgrade the upgrade system, add a broken AI companion, faster mechanics that don't really help, a cover system because the t-plagas have guns in the last half and add a lame symbalistic story about partners and try to keep a serious face when it boils down to "I need to help my partner. . .  . .as opposed to the rest of Africa." Seriously, that's the vibe I got. Fuck the world as long as I got a hot sidekick. Our protagonist ladies and gentlemen! Remember when I said we'd get to Chris? Well, bust out the steroids and settle down children cause here he is. A bland, single focused excuse for a character. He had more personality in RE 1 UND Code Veronica, but here? they try to set up this survivors guilt story that doesn' go anywhere. Tied to his partner Sheva, NOW she has no story to follow so she's bareble. Too bad her AI is shit, I want ammo? Nope, she steals it from me. I want those healing Herbs? Nope, she five fingered discount those mo fo's. Capcom claimed non racism BUT Sheva is stealing everything from me, the eff Capcom?! Let's not even get started on the spear throwing tribesmen that show up later.

Like I stated, everything here is a watered down version of Biohazard 4. The mechnics are the same, they just smooth out the movement. You can;t aim and shoot and Dead Space was released a YEAR EARLIER! I would forgive it if it was before DS but noooooooo, a year later we get Biohazard 4.1. We even get a cover mechanic because Capcom thought it would be best to try and make the series a Gears rip off, with the 'zombies' picking up ak-47's and shooting at you. I wanted puzzles, yes 4 boosted a lot of action but there were a lot of slow down times where you had to solve puzzles, back track and solve more puzzles then clear a room like a boss. Here, it's just press A to shoot and barrel roll through that wall to advance. The mechanics are polished but not upgraded, the inventory is 9 squares that you can't expand. You're stuck with the same 9 squares and they fill up quite quickly. And unlike 4, the body armor you unlock later take up a space of you inventory. WHAT?! That shouldn't happen, like at all.

The story tries too hard to take itself seriously, the characters are bland and have no clear motives. I know Wesker was obssessed with beating Death but he never had world domination motives. Chris is only there for Jill and Sheva keeps repeating "We're partners" like she has verbal diarreha. They tried to copy the film franchise and they failed. The 3DS game, Revelations, is going back to horror survival and that's what the series is. 4 brought in more action but you still had to react to survive. 5 was just straight up action, even the El Gigante makes an apperence in 5 but all you do is hide in a humvee and shoot your mini guns at it's dick. No flipping around, stunning it and then climbing up on it to show who's the boss. All the intrigue is gone, all the puzzles are gone; in favor for a straight up action game. Even Chris went from normal looking to Gears looking.

Biohazard 5 gets 1 racial image out of 10.

Shinji Mikami left Capcom shortly after completeing 4, so I don;t expect a very good sequel to 4 for a very long time. Revelations looks promising but it was made by the same team responsable for 5 so we'll see.

This friday

A review is coming, just thought I'd put that out there. It's going to be a retro review. Haha puns are fun! It's really going to adress a problem I have with a current game series. No no that series, that one is coming though. Oh boy is it coming. Right now I might make a vlog rant about fixing Dead Island, that game has been on my mind since I put up my review. . . . . . actually I might as well make it a two parter and include the review coming.

Stay Tuned Mortals!

Capcom you FOOLS!!

So after re playing Resident Evil 4 after a 3 year hiatus from it I just have one thing to sya to you capcom. What the frig happened with Resident Evil 5?

You had an amazing game, mostly thanks to Shinji Mikami. Then you gave to the guy whose produced the series since the first one and he somehow craps it up. Then you get super racist and have a horrible inventory system that's actuallt eight steps backwards from 4. Instead of having this huge build up of suspense, it plays out like a bad action movie. As opposed to a bad horror movie. UND! You made Wesker exactly like Saddler. Soasn;t he working with Saddler from the shadows? You didn't have to go and copy paste 4 and give a plus 1. That's all 5 is: 4.1. With a steriod junky instead of Leon. Sheva is alright. . . .in the cutscenes. Her AI couldn;t pickle a sandwhich even if she went to the pickle barrel.

Thank you capcom, for killing Megaman and ruining Resident Evil.

I swear if Revelations isn;t a proper sequel to 4 then I shall rage, bitch and publically deny capcom but seceretly still give them money. Hey I have high hopes for DmC

Zombies Can't Swim - Dead Island Review

I know this is late shut up, I have a life you know. Complied of low expectations and video games, movies and comics.

So Dead Island. Yeah, remember that gripping, tragic slow motion, traveling backwards but also forwards trailer released earlier this year? Okay good, now forget all about it because ironically, it has nothing to do with Dead Island.

Oh it's all about being on an Island during a Zombie outbreak and there is weapon durability, but there is no emotional gripping sequences, no personal effect, no choice and no sense of hit detection. I'll get back to that one afterwards. What is in the game is a fun game with no staying power and more glitches than an MTV program.

You pick one of four super humans, who are not only immune to the zombie infection but also have disjointed bodies and know how to move around with half there skin missing. Seriously, the animations YOUR character have are horrible. When you see other characters animations, they're fine but just stare at your shadow and do some movements. Breathtaking ballerina actions shall follow. Speaking of physical glitches and wanky imflatible flailing tube man movements. Let's reel it back to that good old hit detection for a minute.

Why? I mean I know it's a Zombie apocolypse in a Hawaii knock off, lack of Elvis aside. So I know you have to have a feeling of bleakness but that's an emotion. AN EMOTION. When you physically stack the arms against you and a zombie can summon the force to hit, but your arm length plus a GOD DAMN MACHETE can't even scratch a Zombie unless you're close enough for a singing duet. I mean, c'mon that's just pathetic. It's almost like the developers saw that really good trailer, thought it would be nice and tried somewhere to put that atmosphere in the game. I stress the word tried, it's completely hit and miss. A hit would have been not saving a survivor in time and having no choice but to put down someone who up until a minute ago had your back. Or becoming a dick and stranding people just so you can get your can of dirty beans. There is no choice, meaning there is no atmosphere. It's like all the glitches are the developers attempt to create some form of continuity with the trailer. Making it seem like lousy hit detection is stacked against you is a lame excuse to cover your own ass. I'm lazy too you know, but if I'm going to type or do something I make sure I do the best damn job.

That brings me to my next point. If you want to make an RPG you need to have choice, MMO's are a lazy man's RPG. You only get to create or chose a character and then go a long for the ride. A true RPG gives you choice, whether it be a small tiny bit of it or a huge chunk. The impression the initial trailer gave was that you could shape the outcome of events. You either help as much as you can, damn people for those tasty beans or stay where you are and stock the place and turn into a lair so badass, Blofield would blush. No, you can't. You have to quest so hard that Gandalf would be impressed, you have to do fetch quests, escort missions and navigate through sewers. This isn;t a zombie apocolypse RPG, it's Borderlands.

And that right there is my biggest problem. I paid 60 bucks for a game I've played before. There's a good game under here but the developers never let it shine through. They even gave the characters amazing back stories that we never get fleshed out, nor does it seem to give the characters a personal arc to go through and grow; and if they dide, you just lose some money. That's it, it's not like Outbreak where you turn into a zombie and have to hunt down your friends. Nope, you just have to pay to get out of puragtory and pass go. There's no personal connection to the story, the characters all start off in them same room after having an existential interacting with whatever character you picked and that's it. That's the story, it's like DOA without the tits. There is nothing here other than quest, the only time the game was truly fun was with a friend, but that was because you could make fun of everything that you both came across.

60 bucks for an incomplete, glitchy co-op focused game is 50 dollors too much. The sad thing is, this game took 5 years to develop. I should know, I watched this game like a hawk as soon as I heard about it. Development started in 2006, with a 2008 release date. Then bam, we get this game. This makes me a sad panda. They pulled a DNF, they did nothing to help make the game polish and shine. Instead we gan a crappy fetch quest, with stat abilities. Oh it's a fun game, but it's nothing of what was promised and by the time you get to the second and third act, the glitches become so apparent that whatever fun you could have had with it drains away.

My verdict? wait for thise one. Techland are developing patches that are coming out as I type this, even if there is no personal, emotional and bleak story. The gameplay will be fixed and that should help give it some form of staying power.

Dead Island gets 2.5 swings and a miss out of 5

Fan Expo and beyond

I went to Fan Expo 2011, it was fun but I can;t really go into much depth as all I did was walk around as Altair from Assassin's Creed and got picture raped. Constantly, oh it was fun and I got to smiles on a lot of people. I also killed like, 37 people. It was fake of course. OR WAS IT?!

I didn't meet any celebrities this year but me and my new super friend, Jordan got to stare at Elvira's ummm lovley personalities. I missed out on a huge lobby fight because I was busy along with Jordan to help an almost naked dude find his friends. Mission accomplished by the way.

Now for updates, I will try to update every friday. Try is the key word. I have a bad case of lazy I'm trying to shake off and sitting around waiting for it to lift won;t do you any good. So I set a limit, find something to talk about (comics, movies, games, music) and type it out. I'm actually trying to do a Twilight retrosepct just because I want to analyze the series and find out why it's so popular. Of course, it depends on my devotion, I'm not too thrilled by this as I have read the books before. A very long time ago mind you, so it's a haze but I remember wanting to watch Bram Stoker's Dracula to cleanse myself. I'm working on a Ghostbusters outfit that I hope to get profile pictures done around my area. Cause I'm an artistic fag and that's just how I roll, one thing for sure will happen is a 3DS review and a Shin Megami Tensei review because Final Fantasy has failed me ever since 10. 12 was tolerable, and I don;t care what anyone says, Vaan was a good character. Just keep in mind, he's NOT the main character. That's Basch's job, go read the development for FF XII and be enlightened. I'll review that too.

Bottom line, I'll be more active. Oh, and that big announcement I made before Fan Expo? It's a planned ARG and it ties in with my Ghostbuster outfit. You'll just have to stay tuned to find out what I'm talking about.

Peace out Mortals!

UPDATE! 08/10/11

I haven't been updating due to work. I'm planning something HUGE like a review or story, who knows. Find out soon. Promise

"Because Crime doesn't sleep, Neither can I" - Punisher Comparrions (Launguage alert)

God why must the Thomas Jane version keep popping up when I mention The Punisher. This actually annoys me, being a comic book geek and proud of it, to hear that the Thomas Jane version is better than Punisher War Zone. Whoa, rewind that shit up. I heard someone say that when they reviewed Punisher War Zone, they said that because Thomas Jane brought sympathy to the role and created a Punisher that everyone can feel sorry for. I don't remember the Punisher I grew up reading being cute and fucking cuddly, unless you count a 50 year old ugly Italian guy covered in blood, a knife in one hand and a dead criminal in the other. That's right, that's the Punisher. He isn't cute, cuddly or sympathetic. He's a man who lost his family and the last bit of his sanity, or he saw how corrupted the law system is and believes in absolute justice. It's debatable on the mind set of Frank Castle, but that's beside the point. Frank Castle is an Italian guy who served three terms in Vietnam, became an army drill instructor. He was a devout family man, had a beautiful wife, a daughter and a son. One day they go for a picnic in Central Park and by accident, witness a mob execution. The mob members not wanting witness' proceed to open fire on them. Whether you call it fate, luck, or how twisted Garth Ennis is, Frank awakens with minor wounds. His wife dead, his son missing pieces of his head and his daughter slowly dying in his arms from a gun shot wound to the stomach. When the police can't do anything due to the mob buying their way out of being prosecuted, the first thing Frank does is go home and his old war weapons and hunts down every single one of those involved in the shooting. Thus the Punisher is born.




The Punisher is NOT a 30 year old former FBI personnel, who goes for a family reunion/retirement party where his ENTIRE family is wiped out. His dad, mom, aunt, uncles, ect. No no no no no, that's called Hollywood bullshit. He didn't sit in an apartment for a week, drinking(in the comics Frank doesn't drink because he's too busy and he needs to remain alert at all times) listening to Broken by Seether. No that is not the Punisher, that's called Hollywood trying to get a larger base to see the movie. Especially women. The minute that movie came out, women where lining up outside comic book stores to buy issues of The Punisher, but quickly put the books down as soon as they saw the real Punisher. A 50 year old war vet, ugly as hell, covered in scars and ready to kill. This is one of the biggest reasons why I prefer Marvel over DC, DC always makes their characters poster models, while Marvel bases their characters in realism. . . somewhat, they are fictional characters. Wolverine for one, in the comcis Wolverine is 5'1, hairy as hell, friggen muscular and ready to go at any moment. He does NOT look like Hugh Jackman; but I digress.



Another thing the Punisher does not do, is manipulate his opponents . He doesn't set up the wife and the best friend and force the guy to kill them. Fuck that, the Punisher gets all fucking medieval. He finds out where they live, takes a few uzi's, .45's, and a shot gun; suits up and sets out. Being a former marine, he assess' the situation on site and comes up with the best plan. Infiltrates and executes. He gets shit done in absolute.



Oh, and Frank will never attempt suicide unless he's killed an innocent child. As soon as Frank avenged his family, he didn't go back home and start drinking and hold a gun up to his chin. No, he went home put on his outfit and set out, as in his own words: "To make the wolrd sane again." That's The Punisher, a hard as nails, ugly ex marine who was pushed to the edge. Not a pretty boy who tortures people with a Popsicle. Hell no! He would actually use the blow torch on the guy then put one in his head after he finished telling Frank exactly what he needed to know.



Punisher War Zone captured that, they copied the store straight out of the comics. The origin, the character and the action. Everything, right down to his assistant Mirco-Chip. Alot of critics have been going on about the gore level in the movie, to which I once again say: read the fucking comic book! This isn't Batman where a Beretta puts a small hole in your head. No, the Punisher comics implement the true power of a gun. A head shot tears your head to friggen pieces. To the people that prefer the Thomas Jane version, fine just don't complain about Punisher War Zone when you have never read an issue of the comic before in your life. Marvel stepped in made the movie exactly like the comic, and I hope they make a sequel because Ray Stevenson was the perfect choice as Frank Castle. Keep on shining Ray!





Punisher 2004 gets .5 ludicrous gun battle sequences out of 5.





Punisher War Zone gets 4 amazing head shots and one rocket launcher out of 5.





If you can't swallow that, then sit down and read an issue of the comic before you start bitching about why the Thomas Jane version is better when all it is is epic Hollywood bullshit.

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