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Friday, March 4, 2011

"I'm the best there is at what I do, unfortunatly this isn't it" - X-Men Origins: Wolverine quick review

Time and time again I've been disappointed with comic book movies. From Batman to Spiderman, none of them have been quite right. Sin City, Hellboy and Watchmen have been the only spot on comic book movies. I'm a huge nerdy shut in and I take friggen pride in that so when a project I'm a fan of is announced I'm excited. Then along cam X-Men Origins Wolverine.




Wow, why the eff to begin. While it does have the basics of ol' Wolvie's origin they sold out for Hollywood BS. First off, Wolverine and Sabretooth are not brothers. No, shit they aren't even related. Yes Wolverine was born in 19th century Canada and had freaky bone claws. No, he did not fight any wars for America; he fought for Canada all the way. Yes, he hooked up withe a native chick named Silver Fox(Kayla). No, she wasn't the sister of Emma Frost nor a sympathetic character.



If I could describe how I felt about this movie it would be mixed. There is one thing about this movie that infuriates me and that is Wade 'Deadpool' Wilson. Don't get me wrong, Ryan Reynolds is a kick ass actor when he's given the right roles. In the beginning he was Wade Wilson but Deadpool seemed to be absent from the movie, instead Wolverine runs into Baraka from Mortal Kombat and the two duke it out for the Earth realm with Shao Kahn watching. No, that's not how it really goes; that's just a badly written fanfic. They did make Deadpool look like Baraka though, I'm getting very tired of Hollywood stepping in and trying to make things epic. All they do is fail, like my last relationship. If you were to actually sit down and read the real story you'd realize they're fine the way they are and have no need to be altered. Wolverine has always had a soft side but he did not go get adamantium in him cause of some girl. He was forced against his will, brainwashed and turned into a killing machine until a small portion of memories came back. Then he busts out and leave behind a ruined rampage.



This movie wasn't all bad, I've warmed up to Hugh Jackman as Wolverine although he does need to bring in the actual animal side Logan has in the comics. Liev Schieber was a decent Sabretooth, but I don't remember Sabretooth being that human. Ryan Reynolds, as stated, was awesome as Wade Wilson when he was introduced but then he gets turned into an oompa loompa on a massive acid trip after having to watch the Dark Knight over and over again. Honestly the bile that began to spew from my mouth was stronger than Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks. Speaking of Chuck Norris, the only thing that was truly epic was the soundtrack, Composed by Harry Gregson-Williams who composed the music for Metal Gear Solid 2, 3, and 4. Even if it was played while Hugh Jackman was flying off from an explosion to his next 5 minute destination. Before being followed by yet another explosion.



Wow, I have almost nothing sarcastically funny to say about the movie. It's got me that bored, good popcorn movie but a good Marvel movie? Fuck no! I've seen Soap Opera's that have better twists than this. Save yourself some time and money and pick a copy of Hulk Vs. it has a better explanation of how Logan got his adamantium, plus it has the real Deadpool in, throwing a grenade down Hulk's throat. That's defiantly for the win.



X-Men Origins Wolverine gets 2.5 popped claws out of 5. Hugh Jackman shall also have to live down the fact many drooling women saw his bare ass.



If some you think I should relax because I should be upset that they changed stuff you need to stfu. If Harry Potter fans and Twilight fan can twist they panties in a bunch until they legally have a dick I can bitch about Wolverine.

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