Another year down and another step twoards in a procrastinating direction. I may not have updated as much as I wanted do but that was due to work, a cold and Old Republic.
This year was a turning point for me, I learned to get back up on my feet and keep trucking. I just not have to set my self a proper work scheduale. With that let's move onto my year end review. No TV in this one as I didn't watch any, although Gundam Unicorn would have won as there isn't anything on right now with such an amazing attention to detail, in animation and characters. I'm still listening to the soundtrack. Speaking of, I didn;t do music this year as well. Everything sucked, from Justin Beieber to whatever is the rap flavor of the month. So this year it's just movies, music and comic books. I had a semi busy emotional year okay? I had to deal with gungans for christs sake. GUNGANS!
With that out of the way, let's start this disaster off with movies.
The Dark Knight Rises/Nolan's Bat franchise:
Oh Christopher Nolan. Welcome back, it seems I can't rant about you enough eh? I know a lot fo people like you and I may be seen as some from of attractive hipster for not liking you like i used to but you. See, I've noticed that Nolan grounds his movies and doesn't let it go as it should, a comic book is only as real as it's main character. I know I know, Batman is a step away from being the most realistic character ever but that's not what I'm talking about. See, he got Batman wrong on so many levels. I don;t care if Joker just slaps some make up on, or if Ra's Al Ghul had body doubles. No no it's that the whole premise is wrong. Batman has always been a dark and twisted road of one man's psyche.
Bruce Wayne suffered a loss, a huge one. He had one bad day. That right there sums up the whole Batman mythos. A bad day. Not being a symbol, not being a legend. Course it's too simple for those "poets" so Nolan pulled crap out his ass, tried to make Bruce Wayne relatable, an everyman. In the Dark Knight he wanted to quit to get married. Married! Great Caesers beard, that's not the Batman I know. He's dark, twisted and tormented. Driven by his parents death but in TDK, Nolan wants us to believe he just got over that. Why? Cause he let Ra's die? In the comics he confronted Joe Chill, the actual murderer of his parents, reveals his face and Chill runs outside only to be gunned down by mob enforcers that were looking for him. And you know what? Bruce was still tormented by his parents death. Now I know some people might be telling me to relax, that movies based on a show, comic, book, worlds greatest bowel movement won;t be like it's source 100 percent. I'm fine with that in most cases. As long as the source material is respected( thumbs up at you Marvel, heart you. Except for Spider-Man starring Pleasent Ville and man thing Kristin Dust).
Nolan took themes from Year One and Killing Joke and just, well made a two hour philosophy movie. The Batman I know would have beat up Joker, tracked down Dent and offered to help him. Expose the Jokers plan and how it affected Dent, punch some useless goons and then race back to the bat cave to pound some Catwoman. Awww no character development? Blasphemy!! Fuck off with that, it's Batman, he lost his parents. Don;t get much character development than that. I may be called a comic book purist but honestly, Harry Potter and Watchmen were faithful adaptations, hell, even those Twilight movies are true to there roots.
So why can't DC get a clue? Marvel did, they took elements from the Ultimate and 616 universes; but the characters stayed true to their comic book counterparts. Steve Rogers is a nice guy, Tony Stark is an egotist, Thor is a badass and Bruce Banner has anger problems. It's not that hard, not with the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises, Bruce Wayne hasn't been Batman for 8 years. Well that's already a red streak. That was faster than I thought. I already don;t like this movie. Bane is moving against Gotham for some reason and Catwoman wasn't even in it. Just Anne Hathaway and Christian Bale in a rip off scene from Batman Returns. Classy! And now a stadium just collapsed on itself. HOLY SHIT! That was a good effect. Oh good now we're back to more talking. Bruce Wayne's going to die. I call it. The whole trailer was just "The legend is over" "Batman is what Gotham needs even if the man is broken" You wouldn't get any more sutble if Nolan edited himself within every scene and just started shouting "Bruce Wayne's going to die!"
A fucking Bond villian was more subtle than this. If bruce makes it the end of this movie, I'll make it my film of 2012. I swear I will cause that's a brilliant twist. Course then the whole "Legend is ending" would just be hype. Like oh hey, Heath ledger died so The Dark Knight is the greatest movie of all time. I know Heath did a good job but his role doesn't make a whole damn movie when you have an ensamble cast! If people only pick Heath's role as the Joker as something that sticks with them and not Bale's Batman. You fucked up.
Wow this turned into one huge nerd rant. Listen, I like Nolan's other films; like Momento, brilliant movie but when it comes to a movie that needs to rely on some sort of suspension of disbelief such as batman and that paprika rip off Incpetion, He fails, he wants a realistic movie? Make a straight up cops and robbers movie, make a movie about corperate spies. Something realistic. Next thing you know he'll make a Naruto movie about a group modern assasssin's and the main character is just called a demon fox, talking for two hours about what humanity means with a pedo with a snake fetish. . . . .Mother of god that sounds better than actual Naruto.
The Dark Knight Rises and the whole Nolan Bat franchise gets .5 batarangs that weren't thrown out of 10. I'm more annoyed with these so called Bat fans, these internet poets. I know a movie has to have some substance but having characters talk about philosphy for two hours does not make substance. That's just filler. At least in Shakepeares plays SOMETHING happened between the talking.
Green Lantern - 2.5/10
- Proves my comic point. Respect the source material. This movie? So did it wrong. what could have been DC's Star Wars turned into DC's CGI shit storm. . . .so basically the prequels. In fact, that's this movies new name. Ryan Reynolds vs The Intergalatic Poo Monster. Cause that sure as hell wasn't Pharalax. From the cheap CGI, shoddy editing, and lackluster action; this movie fails on so many accounts. Save your money, go watch Thor.
Thor - 8.5/10
- Speaking of! This is how you almost get it right, course Marvel looses some points for not putting Thor INTO the body of Donald Blake. That's the orginal story, but what we get at it's core is a good presentation. Performances all around are well done but the Stand out are Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston as Thor and Loki. They have the characters down pat. Throw in Anthony fucking Hopkins as Odin and Kenneth Brahgah as a diector that knows what he's doing when it comes to Norse legends and you have a good movie. Oh and Natalie Portman is hot. Just saying. And that after credits scene. . . .what does it mean?
Captain America - 9/10
- Kay nevermind everything is explained. This follows the Thor formula of pulling from the source and perfects it. this is a pure Captain America movie. Chris Evens embodies the out to do good Steve Rogers and Hayley Atwell is amazingly hot as Peggy Carter. And Tommy Lee Jones is well. . . .Tommy Lee Jones just as a US General. And Hugo Weaving, damn man you are a good actor. I hate the Red Skull but you played him perfectly. Now that everything is all lined up for The Avengers movie I can't wait. Did I mention that the director Joe Johnson also directed The Rockateer? Go watch that movie too.
Breaking Dawn - .1/10
- Yeeees I went to see it. I got dragged so a friend wouldn't feel bad. It gets a .1 in score because there was one scene I liked. The wedding scene just because all the characters seemed happy. Then the dramaz begins! Pretty much the whole movie, she gets knocked up by a corpse. LOGIC!
Transformers Dark of the Moon - 6/10
- Really Michael Bay? You killed of Ironhide again? A pretty much made the same movie three times now. The Decepticons are up to something, the Autobots despite having global resources and freedom to roam it's Sam who solves everything. Again. And Optimus has to beat the shit out of everyone. Again. Douche jokes, Shia panicking and no more Megean Fox. What a mixed blessing.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - 5.5/10
- Not a lot of shadowy games really. More explosions, more bromance humor and a phsycic battle as the climax. Yeah, in a Sherlock Holmes movie. Pretty much the same preformances from Downey and Jude, Rachel McAdams is quickly swept under the rug.
Tin Tin - 9.5/10
- What a refreshing movie, it doesn't try to be "complex", "dark" or "gritty". It's a straight up action movie, it's a straight up adventure that rings tro to the original. Tin Tin is a journalist, travels around with his dog Snowy and his friend Captain Haddock. that's it, a simple formula for an awesome movie. Jamie Bell and Andy Serkis do an amazing job as the leads and Daniel Craig is very sinister as the villian. All around good movie, can't wait for a sequel.
So that's it for movie, my movie of the year is Tin Tin. It attracts the child in me. It's pure fun, with a charming story and characters that are fun to watch. The animation is amazing, even if Jamie Bell comes off as a creepily real Tin Tin sometimes. Also no love interest. That's a plus.
Comic Books
DC Relaunch: The New 52.
I loved 52. It's without a doubt the only good thing DC has done in recent years. Final Crisis was very quickly undone by itself, same with Batman RIP. All the Green Lantern storylines didn't have any real impact, even though they were pretty decent blockbusters. Honestly after Blackest Night Geoff Johns started sucking. Now after the lackluster Flashpoint that had a puss out deus ex machina ending, we are now focusing on a whole new universe. Howdy doo well let's see what's new!
. . .Nothing! Absolutly nothing! DC has stated that everything that's happened in the DC universe, still happened; just in the span of 5 years. Oh good, cause that's what long time running established iconic characters needed! Cliff notes! They've grazed over characters histories, all they're really doing new is the begginnings of characters. Oh, Bruce Wayne still lost his parents but did you know that Superman just showed up one day wearing jeans and an S tshirt? Or that Wonder Woman is a n00b again? Or that Hal Jordan can no longer get it up unless he has his Green Lantern ring on him? Or that Starefire is now a sex crazed bitchy and detached person now? Cause I thought she USED to be opposite of that, you know. . . .considering the whole falling in love with Dick grayson and stuff. Characters aren't married anymore and I know DC is going to try and convince us that Superman and Wonder Woman NEED to be together ASAP! Considering that they keep cramming that down our throats all the other times.
So what's good about the relaunch? Would you believe Batman? Yeah, his titles. All 4 of them are pretty good, hell even the Batgirl and Nightwing runs are amazing. Everything else? It's all hit and miss. Action Comics is meh while the actual Superman book is pretty decent. Geoff Johns should not be writing Wonder Woman, he gets Green Lantern but not her. He's also writing Justice League which is decent, I still don;t know why Superman would act irrational and attack Hal Jordan and Batman in the first issue instead of asking them what was going with the attacks around the world when. . . .wait. . . Superman and Batman are in the same scene? Fuck! Whenever Batman is around Superman he gets amnesia and forgets that he's actually smarter than Bats! Good to know DC still has it's incosistent writing.
The art veries too, from amazingly drawn to just flat out lazy. Like I said all the Batman themed books are really well done in all departments. Jim Lee is drawing Justice League which is a big plus in my books. I can't say that much more on the art. The awful ones I barely glanced at. Oh wait! Did I mention Sinestro is a Green lantern again? Cause somehow the Gaurdians convinced him by just mentioning his planet. Yes, because. . . .yes. Just fucking yes. The last time I saw this many plot holes I was still trying to understand Heroes. Oh and Catwoman rapes Batman. You read that right. Gotham's Dark Knight lets Catwoamn mount him and he tell her to stop, and she keeps going. Stay classy DC! Your movies suck (except for Watchmen), you piss over your fans UND! Your write your characters out of their personalities every other issue.
DC's relaunch get 3.5 rewitten multiverse stories out of 10. Just wait, DC will try to reboot itself again in a matter of weeks. Hell, every big DC event apperently affects the mutliverse. Also DC, I know Batman is popular but you have other heroes. Spider-Man is Marvels most popular superhero but Marvel acknowledges it's other heroes. Like Iron Man, Ms Marvel, the X-Men, The Avengers, ect. So seriously DC, up the quality of writing on your other titles or just name your company 'Batman Comics'.
Fear Itself - 7/10
- Okay sooo Matt Fraction. I like this story but seriously; you have bad pacing, and weird story turn points. You killed off Thor again man, he came back not just three years ago. Course this being mainstream Marvel they already replaced him with a jerk. The whole Tony Stark chugging a bottle of champagne to appease to Odin, really goes nowhere. There was a huge build up that it might restart his drinkin' games. Yeah he chugs it and like a champ, shrugs it off. way to go nowhere at mach 5 there Matt. Oh and Steve Rogers has taken up the mantle from Bucky who died. So that's two people to try and reset the status quo? Oh Marvel. CUT THAT SHIT OUT!
Flashpoint - 4.5/10
- Take Barry Allen, The Flash and set him in a time shattering new universe where he remember the main DC universe. He has no powers, Thomas Wayne is Batman as Bruce was killed with his Motherand the Amazons and Atantlians are attacking the mainland. On top of that, if Barry Allen does find a way to return to his universe he'll shatter the multiverse and rewrite everything. Sounds exciting right? Well nothing happens, the Amazon/Atantlis storyline is rug swept, Thomas Wayne was introduced as a straight up killer but is nothing more than an alchoholic, and Barry Allens return just makes a new universe that is the new 52. He returns to the main universe with no reprocussions and gives a message to Bruce from his alternate universe Dad. That's it.
Death of Spider-man - 5.5/10
- I'm mixed about this, I really am. On a plus side, Mark Bagely's art is phenominal, Brian Micheal Bendis penned a story showing how much of an amazing person Ultimate Peter Parker is and then kills him. Dafuq?! Yeah, Bendis killed off a 16 year old kid. Oh everyone was upset that a half black, half espanic was replacing him; but I actually like Miles Morales. He's already his own character. . . .well kinda. He has a lot of peter Parker traits aside from his parent issues. He doesn't really have an Uncle Ben and his da is a bit of a jerk. I don't mind this, I'm upset that for no reason, a 16 year old kid died. Oh he beat the shit out of Norman 'Goblin sex' Osborn; with a truck! Still, he loses points for making the Ultimate version of the Avengers pissing on him after he pretty much covered their asses, and then he gets killed. Kudos Bendis, you kill children.
Spider-Island - 9/10
- Dan Slott. I love you. Not sinbce J. Michael Stranzynski have I enjoyed Spider-Man this much. He knows how to write him, he can balanced humor and suspense and stay true to the characters. The art is amazing and lively and the colors are bright and amazing (heh pun). The story deals with the Jackal showing up and giving ordinary citizens spider powers. he's doing this for the spider queen so she can have an army of spider knights. Oh yeah, the people start mutating into human spiders that she can control, so Spidey has a short amount of time left before this infestiation covers New York and then the world! (insert imperial march). It's a really gripping story and the line from Spidey "Just watch, I'm going to do it! I'm going to save them!. . . .I'm going to save everyone!" Still sends chills down my spine, this whole story was a huge love letter to Spider-Man, New York now respects him and everything is set on track. His twin/clone Kaine is revived and helps him, only to become the new Scarlet Spider. Not all is well, Madame Web leaves Spider-Man with a warning; he will suffer a loss unlike any other. Until then though, Spider-Man can enjoy being the worlds greatest superhero!
My comic of the year is obviously Spider-Island. After the mess DC has created with the reboot, I wouldn't be surprised if the first DC even of 2012 is another universe reboot. Marvel on the other hand is pushing itself forward, and I like that. Spider-Island is a love letter to the underdog. It's finally giving Spidey the break he deserves that writers think he doesn't need. bull! He goes through more than the average superhero, so he needs a kit kat every once in a while. Dan Slott, I love you and I hope you stick around for a few more years.
Video Games
First Person Shooters:
. . .Really Activision? Really EA? Must you be content with hyping up your products only to deliver half a game? For full price? I may not have been excited for Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 but they had the respect for a 40 dollor price tag. Modern Warefare 3 and Battlefield 3 are multiplayer games only. That's all they are, a game for multiplayer only. The single player protions are atrocious. Oh the story in BF 3 is a lot better than MW 3, but it's still only 3 hours. In a world where tech has unlimited prowess, short games should only exsist as indie games on Steam of the PSN for 3 dollars. Not 60 plus for half a game. People feed into it though, MW3 and BF3 has sold millions and that makes me a sad panda.
The games don't really challenge the player, sure Battlefield has realism going for it, but it doesn't really play out in the single player. The mechanics are only pure gold on the multiplayer. Meanwhile, a thousand miles away; MW3 has thrown realism out and created a series of exploding gas stations that would make Michael Bay blush. CoD4 had realism going for it, it showed a story that could be happening at this very second along with real world repricussions. MW2 had Russia invading America. Undetected. Oh sure, they tried to explain that Russia had stolen cryptic data to compromise the US's radar systems. But what about Canada? France? Britian? They didn't notice huge carriers overhead, moving over the ocean? And call an emergency meeting of the UN? No? Fuck.
Like I said, the games don;t challenge us anymore. No obstacles, no weight to every thing around you. All you do is fire from the hip and yell at campers. Course in a real war, camping is exactly what you do! But hey, if everyone is content with playing shameless money grabs and waste time on 12 years olds. Then boy is Call of Duty for you. Mostly PC gamers play Battlefield but I still think that game is lacking. Th multiplayer is fun, but if the single player campaign is a forgettable experiance. It's nothing new. Russia are the bad guys. Again. Hey, you know the cold war is over right? You can pick PMC's and oh I dunno, North Korea as your enemy. How about a FPS where you realize that Bobby Kotick is a douche and go blow up Activison? And as a final boss, you have to fight Michael bay on an exploding planet. Revenge of the Fallen? Revenge of my Fist mother fucker.
All FPS' are doing nowaday are trying to wage a dick size contest with eachother. It's sad really, video games are an interactive medium and all we get with war games are 'Americaaaaaa Fuck yeah!". This is why I love Deus Ex so much.
Modern FPS' get 2.5 dick contests out of 10. I miss the days of Doom and Duke Nukem. As childish and gory as they were, they still had more thought put into them than "We need realism!" "Simple controls!" "I have a small dick!". It's sad that DNF was the shit game it was, otherwise we would have seen a return to form that wasn't what Bulletstorm turned out to be.
- Duke Nukem Forver - 1.5/10
- Hahahaha you're serious? You sent us this shit? This crap? I can see why there was an emphesis on that turd in the beginning of the game. This game tried too hard to be other shooters rather than being it's own thing. Take note, don;t try to appeal to the mainstream, becausehat you can actually do. That's why indie games turn out to be a diamond in the rough. This is just lazy. 12 years? It took 12 years for this. I'd rather watch The Dark Knight for a day straight.
Batman Arkham City - 7.5/10
- I love this game. Mostly for it's gameplay and side missions. Rocksteady really dropped the ball on the story. I know sequels have to be cranked up but 11 is too much. The took The Dark Knight approach and tried to do too much in such a short amount of time. The Penguin segement was padding, Two-Face didn't need to be in the game and the whole "Jokers going to die' storyline felt tacked on. I followed this game from first announcement and what was hinted at was a psycological battle between Hugo Strange and Batman. Pure and simple. What we got was a convoluted mess of a story with good gameplay. That's the saving grace of this game. that and Kevin Conroy's Batmand and Mark Hamill's Joker. Catwoman was hot but really didn't add anything to the game other than a different gameplay style. Her story was completely spereate and we never understood what she was trying to do in Arkham City. They layed hints for a third and final Batman game, but I'll take it with a grain of salt. Arkham Asylum was and still is the BEST Batman game.
Spider-Man: Edge of Time - 8/10
- I love Dc and Marvel, course I lean more towards Marvel because I like their characters a bit more. Don't get me wrong, the DC characters all stand for a great message; but at the end of the day I can relate to the Marvel Universe. There's positives and negatives in both comic industries, like how Arkham City dropped the ball, Edge of Time only stumbled a little. The game is bigger but it's still a bit linear. The combat is more fluid and the wall crawling camera is fixed. reviewers don;t talk about that. Sure the game is short but the graphics are more detailed, yes you only play as two Spider-Men but the combat is more varied. The leads, Josh keaton and Chistopher Daniel Barnes, are phenominal as Amazing and 2099 respectavly. With each improvment, the next Spider-Man game should be crystal perfection then.
Skyrim - 9.5/10
This game is beautiful. It's combat is polished, the envirments are big and the characters look so much better. The story is immersive and expansive, it's also a shade of gray. Skyrim is torn apart by civil war, you are the dragonborn; the only person who can permanitly kill a dragon. Which is good cause they've come back to stick their fire dick in everyone's flammable cereal. The game comes to life and sucks you in. It took me a month before I could move onto something else. And I;m still not done the game. Damn you Bethesda, damn you for showing us that a single player game is still worth it. I love you for that but I hate you for making me lose so much free time. I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!!!!
Infamous 2 - 9.6/10
- This is it. This is how you make a superhero sandbox. This is also how you make a sequel. Yes you have to expand on what the first one had, but you don't cram in too much. Infamous 2 didn't lose it's focus. It was still Cole's story to the end. The combat was improved upon, the powers made bigger and the soundtrack. Oh my god this soundtrack. It's so beautiful and heart felt. It really tells the tale of a hero. Or villian, depending on which side you took; but Sucker Punch has stated that the true story is the good side. So take what you will from it. Cole and Zeke's friendship is repaired and you know what? Zeke was the real star of this game cause man, when the world was going to hell he still stuck with you through thick and thin. Everything about this game worked, just wished it was a touch longer. The ending(s) are tragic and horrific in their own sense, just like the story. Don't miss this one.
Uncharted 3 - 9/10
- Good gravy on my toast. Naughty Dog you guys rock so much it causes boats to tip over. This thrid outing with Drake has twists, turns, explosions and a giant desert. The set pieces are amazing and the acting is phenominal. I know some people are tired of Nolan North. But not me, the man can act. Sully is fleshed out and Elaine . . . .doesn't really do much. She isn't useless, but she's more of a cameo in this game than the last. The only let down is the reveal at the end. there isn't one really. The mysterious mcguffin is never really explained other than it can do stuff. You have to play the game to find otu what that is. The controls are smoothed out and there's an emphesis on close combat. Which is good because shooting in this game is sluggish. In 2 it was smoothed out but here? They went back to the first game. You can smooth it out, but why they took a step back when they took five steps forward is beyond me.
Gears of War 3 - 6.5/10
- Lazy graphics, lazy story. More of the same gameplay. What I mean by lazy story? It's all a cliche. Just think of every war movie you've seen and put what happens in those movies, in this game. Everything is revealed and it's lackluster. Like Epic gave up, which isn't surprising cause Cliffy B is an idiot. The game was still fun but at it's core, it's forgettable. Which at the end of the day, sums up the whole franchise.
Fable 3 - 2.5/10
-Really? I'm glad I didn;t spend money on this. I burrowed it from a friend. then we both set it on fire. We needed to cleasne the earth of this shit. Peter last name I can;t spell. You're games have been bland. Fable 1 was alright, Fable 2 was just an expansion (Oh hai Call of Duty) and this? Good god. Movies and Games are being puked over. Everyone's just going in for a cash grab. Thank god for Uncharted, Infamous and Skyrim. Those games had developers that took their time and look what happened. Good games.
Sonic Generations - 9/10
- First Colors, now this. It's a HUGE love letter to Sonic and all the fans that stuck by. The gameplay from Colors makes a return 9minu the wisps system) and you get to play as classic Sonic too! There's something for everyone new and old. The graphics are amazing, the running is smoothed out once more, the remixes kick ass and the story is adorable. If you went the year without playing this, shame on you. Sonic is back in gold form and you owe it to your shildhood to play this.
Zelda: Skyward Sword - 9.5/10
- The other thing setting this game back is the motion controls, yes it's clever that the enemy catches on your movements; but that's because the motion controls are gimmicky. Which best describes the wii. The world is alive and amazingly designed. Zelda is an actual character you care about, and you can even flesh out Link through dialogue choices. thank god it's no Other M. Link is all hero and that's it. It's powerful yet simple and holds true to the zelda mythos. I can;t wait to see the next one, don;t makes us wait too long nintendo! Just drop the motion controls. Gimmicky piece of shit.
My Game of the Year? Everyone picked Skyrim but I'm picking Skyward Sword. Once you get past the motion controls, there really is an amazing and artistic fleshed out world. With high stakes and characters we can actually care about, Skyrim came a little short because even though you had a huge world in it. You were still alone, it makes your character epic but when other people are activly helping you (like The Blades) that's a bad sign.
So that's it. Another year down, another to go. I'm still working on a bunch of stuff and getting myself back on track. I wish you all the best and hopefully, I won;t rage quit once I see The Dark Knight Rises. Hopefully being the keyword. then again, Spider-man and the Avengers are this year. Ahhh Nerdism, my anit-drug. Well peace out mortals, and don't let me catch you on my property again! You know who you are!
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